Never lose yourself in a relationship

You don’t exactly start dating your significant other with the intention that you’ll lose yourself in the midst of your relationship  and yet, five months later, you look back and wonder just where your sense of self ventured of to.

We all have our passions, friends, families to name but a few. These are some of the things we enter into a relationship with and will stay forever. Do not deprieve yourself from the things you used to do before you got into a relationship with your family, friends and your career. The tip is committed or not you still need your boys, girls, your brothers, sisters, cousins. Those moments we spent with our folk remind us of the Me before the relationship, that its still alive and well. 
 
If your partner is that insecure about you hanging out with your friends, family and still pursuing your goals lets talk about the bigger picture here: Why are you still with him/her? You and your buddies were friends before you started a relationship so why on earth would things change now that you are in one? However lets be careful of some friends who might want to distract our relationships, family members and careers but in the process see that you still are in check with what you wanted ultimately before you got into the relationship as an individual. 

lastly me time is important. There is always need for time alone. some of us are a closet introvert hiding in an extrovert's body, so that quiet, alone time i set aside for myself is literally the difference between life and death.   

 

Don't expect perfection in a relationship

Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that for them but its never the case. We all have our flaws and this is because of the mere fact that noone is perfect. Dont expect perfection from your partner but focus on your improvement. Set examples for your partner to follow. Strive for progress and not perfection.

As much as we all want perfection there is more we should expect other than perfection like transparency: admit your mistake, accountability:apologise and forgiveness: give a second chance. Perfection is an unrealistic goal that you will never achieve in a relationship. There will be times your partner will cheat on you, flirt with someone else, appreciate someone else more than you, say hurtful words to you, ignore you like you have never existed but it all boils down to the fact that we are all human and noone is perfect.

That being said lets learn to be the bigger person in the above situations. Do not expect your relationship to be a walk in the park. Every great relationship is filled with its fair share of ups and downs.

Identify your blind spots

Identifying your own blind spots is an exercise in paradox, because if you’re aware of a problem, it doesn’t count. It’s like tracking the wind: You can’t observe the thing itself, only its effects. The tracks that a blind spot leaves are repetitive experiences that seem inexplicable, the things that make you exclaim, Why does this always happen to me?

 

Scientifically, blind spots refer to areas our eyes are not capable of seeing. In personal development terms, blind spots are things about ourselves we are unaware of. Discovering our blind spots help us discover our areas of improvement. One exercise I use to discover my blind spots is to identify all the things/events/people that trigger me in a day – trigger meaning making me feel annoyed/weird/affected. These represent my blind spots. It’s always fun to do the exercise because I discover new things about myself, even if I may already think I know my own blind spots (but then they wouldn’t be blind spots would they?). After that, I work on steps to address them.

As much as we try to improve, we will always have blind spots. Asking for feedback gives us an additional perspective. Some people to approach will be friends, family, colleagues, boss, or even acquaintances, since they will have no preset bias and can give their feedback objectively.

It is important to know your blindspots before you enter into a relationship because blindspots are usually the cause of accidents in  a relationship.  When you are in a relationship and one of your blindspots pop up from your partner, know how to deal with them without causing any harm to your partner. Remember our main goal in a relationship is to be the best partner. 

Here are some examples of blindspots:

• being ungrateful, learn just to say thanks even for the smallest thing
• controlling, learn to be submissive and not to be in control all the time
• always being late
• if you tend to talk too much or interrupt.

Relationships aren't for getting things. They're for giving things.

Never fall in love to make yourself happy. Fall in love to make the person you fall in love with happy. Every relationship between two people is unique. Personalities, cultures, beliefs, interests, experiences etc, reveal the infinite possibilities of types of couples. However there are foundational pieces that foster healthy and lasting relationships nomatter what two people are involved. 

may not be in a relationship at the moment, but I finally have realized I genuinely want to be, and finally feel I am ready (and able) to be a good partner in a relationship. - See more at: http://www.thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/17-ways-to-be-good-partner/#sthash.TilsaCVe.dpuf

I am not be in a relationship at the moment, but I finally have realised I genuinely want to be, and finally feel I am ready and able to be a good partner in a relationship. I know what has not worked and what has been lacking in my past relationships. And on the flipside, I know what did work and what made my past relationships times in my life which i do not regret. To add to this I am fortunate to be around many friends and family who are in loving, committed relationships and I am either observing them or bombarding them with questions regarding how they will make it work. 

So with that being said, whether you are in a relatiosnhip or wanting to be in one here are some ways you can be a giver in your relationship:

• eliminate unnecessary selfishness
• be honest
• be responsible
• be appreciative
• be able to apologise
• spend quality time together
• be their number one fan
• be a good listener and observer
• let them know they are special
• be committed.

Every relationship between two people is unique. Personalities, cultures, beliefs, interests, experiences, etc, reveal the infinite possibilities of types of couples. However, there are foundational pieces that foster healthy, lasting relationships no matter what two people are involved. - See more at: http://www.thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/17-ways-to-be-good-partner/#sthash.TilsaCVe.dpuf

Every relationship between two people is unique. Personalities, cultures, beliefs, interests, experiences, etc, reveal the infinite possibilities of types of couples. However, there are foundational pieces that foster healthy, lasting relationships no matter what two people are involved. - See more at: http://www.thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/17-ways-to-be-good-partner/#sthash.TilsaCVe.dpuf

Every relationship between two people is unique. Personalities, cultures, beliefs, interests, experiences, etc, reveal the infinite possibilities of types of couples. However, there are foundational pieces that foster healthy, lasting relationships no matter what two people are involved. - See more at: http://www.thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/17-ways-to-be-good-partner/#sthash.TilsaCVe.dpuf

Every relationship between two people is unique. Personalities, cultures, beliefs, interests, experiences, etc, reveal the infinite possibilities of types of couples. However, there are foundational pieces that foster healthy, lasting relationships no matter what two people are involved. - See more at: http://www.thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/17-ways-to-be-good-partner/#sthash.TilsaCVe.dpuf

Every relationship between two people is unique. Personalities, cultures, beliefs, interests, experiences, etc, reveal the infinite possibilities of types of couples. However, there are foundational pieces that foster healthy, lasting relationships no matter what two people are involved. - See more at: http://www.thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/17-ways-to-be-good-partner/#sthash.TilsaCVe.dpuf

Every relationship between two people is unique. Personalities, cultures, beliefs, interests, experiences, etc, reveal the infinite possibilities of types of couples. However, there are foundational pieces that foster healthy, lasting relationships no matter what two people are involved. - See more at: http://www.thesimplyluxuriouslife.com/17-ways-to-be-good-partner/#sthash.TilsaCVe.dpuf

ways to get the most out of your relationship

In the first post we established that before we go the extra mile of being in love with someone else, it is essential to identify self. What am i all about, who am I, what are my personal values, what are my weaknesses and strengths? After having self introspection and being able to embrace ourselves and appreciate who we are then comes the next stage of establishing things that make us a good partner.

Being a good partner is not always easy, even if you have an amazing girl friend/boy friend. To be a good partner you need to know how to communicate with your partner and how to be loving and affectionate without smothering your partner. A good partner knows how to understand where his partner is coming from and when to give them space. 

Here are some tips to consider to get the most out of your relationship:

• Develop a sense of trust - that is feeling that you can both be seen, heard, understood and accepted.
• Recognise that physical closeness is only one expression of intimacy. Intimacy can be verbal (e.g. telling your partner why you love them or things that you love about them), and it can also be expressed by doing special things for your partner or generally helping out with daily living tasks.
• Acknowledge each other’s need to be autonomous and to make your own decisions sometimes.
• Create a safe and open place, where you can both express problems, doubts, fears and weaknesses without fear of rejection or punishment.
• Be willing to communicate. This often includes sharing feelings, needs and wants. Note: Listening to your partners problems does not necessarily mean you are responsible for solving them.
• Be open to negotiate around your differences with respect and generosity. You are not going to get your own way all the time.
• Aim to be aware of personal issues you bring to the relationship (sometimes called ‘baggage’), and take responsibility for these. Also be aware of the expectations you may place on others and assess how realistic they are.
• Regular time alone gives you space to recharge and rebalance. This will allow you to give more in your relationship in the long-run.
• Maintain and build a supportive network of friends outside the relationship. No single relationship will meet every need.
• Develop the capacity to not take yourself and everything else too seriously.

self identification

Im glad to be publishing my very first post. I will be solely looking at various ways in which we can enhance ourselves to become a GOOD PARTNER.

Relationships are at the core of our lives. Relating and engaging with others can result in a mixed bag of emotions, such as excitement, fear, anticipation, elation, struggle, closeness, dread, intimacy and loneliness. In a positive relationship, both partners feel valued, loved and nurtured.

 First and fore most, before you love someone make sure that you are in love with yourself. You can never be in love with yourself if you do not know WHO YOU ARE. This will be our starting point of identifying SELF.

Self identification is the act of identifying yourself as a particular kind of person. Self is a person's essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially  considered as the object of introspection or reflexive action. Self includes your ego, persona, psyche, soul, spirit, mind, character, identity.

Once you are able to know SELF's weaknesses and strengths and you are able to embrace them then it means you have fallen in love with yourself and makes it easier for you to embrace the next person's weaknesses and strengths and be able to have an intense feeling or deep affection for them.

Here are some questions that can help you to know who you are:
1. What are my core personal values?
2. What makes me genuinely happy?
3. What or who would you be if you knew you could'nt fail?
4. What are my strengths and weaknesses?
5. What are my likes and dislikes?