ways to get the most out of your relationship

In the first post we established that before we go the extra mile of being in love with someone else, it is essential to identify self. What am i all about, who am I, what are my personal values, what are my weaknesses and strengths? After having self introspection and being able to embrace ourselves and appreciate who we are then comes the next stage of establishing things that make us a good partner.

Being a good partner is not always easy, even if you have an amazing girl friend/boy friend. To be a good partner you need to know how to communicate with your partner and how to be loving and affectionate without smothering your partner. A good partner knows how to understand where his partner is coming from and when to give them space. 

Here are some tips to consider to get the most out of your relationship:

• Develop a sense of trust - that is feeling that you can both be seen, heard, understood and accepted.
• Recognise that physical closeness is only one expression of intimacy. Intimacy can be verbal (e.g. telling your partner why you love them or things that you love about them), and it can also be expressed by doing special things for your partner or generally helping out with daily living tasks.
• Acknowledge each other’s need to be autonomous and to make your own decisions sometimes.
• Create a safe and open place, where you can both express problems, doubts, fears and weaknesses without fear of rejection or punishment.
• Be willing to communicate. This often includes sharing feelings, needs and wants. Note: Listening to your partners problems does not necessarily mean you are responsible for solving them.
• Be open to negotiate around your differences with respect and generosity. You are not going to get your own way all the time.
• Aim to be aware of personal issues you bring to the relationship (sometimes called ‘baggage’), and take responsibility for these. Also be aware of the expectations you may place on others and assess how realistic they are.
• Regular time alone gives you space to recharge and rebalance. This will allow you to give more in your relationship in the long-run.
• Maintain and build a supportive network of friends outside the relationship. No single relationship will meet every need.
• Develop the capacity to not take yourself and everything else too seriously.